Get to It!

Real world working vs. my writing. Why must the two constantly bump heads? It's like, I want to write - that's what I went to school for and why I now will be paying student loans off for the rest of my life. However, I'm so tired after working that I have no energy to even think, let alone put those thoughts to paper.

I've started doing my 500 words a day regime, but I've also already started cheating with it. I'd come home from work, worn out, feet hurting, and have a headache, and want do do nothing but go right to sleep. "I'll make up for it tomorrow," is a common saying on those days. But what happens the next day, when I still have to go to work and the same thing happens all over again? What's going to happen is that all of my writing is going to build up and I'd have to make up for it on my days off. That's not what I want though. I want my days off to be my days. Days where I can see my friends or do large projects that involve my writing. While I should be able to do 500 words on a work day, I should use days off as planning days. Days where I can work out plots and try to find places to submit to. If I keep putting my words a day off like this, my days off will just be devoted to playing catch up, and I wouldn't be able to get anything substantial done.

Why couldn't I just listen when everyone was trying to teach me about discipline? Well, I guess that's not fair. I listened, I know what I'm supposed to do, but I can't seem to make myself do it. Maybe it's because I can't establish a routine? Everyone always preached the importance of routines, because they set a precident and establish discipline, but I'm unable to do that. I don't have set hours at work, so how can I designate specific times for things?

I'm just going to have to do it. I've started to bring my journal to work with me and leaving my books at home so that I can write during my break and not get tempted to read instead. The only problem with this plan though has been the distractions. Any time I sit in the back room and get ready to write while I eat my lunch, someone comes back to talk to me. It's like I can't get a moment's peace. Even as I write this now, I've had three conversations with the girls I work with when I should be writing instead of talking. I mean, it is my break. I shouldn't have to answer questions about work right now, should I?

But I can't blame it on them. The responsibility lies on me and me alone. Maybe if I journal about dedication and discipline enough I'll actually learn it? It could be like how I used to study for spelling tests when I was in elementary school- I would just write the word over and over again until I could remember how to spell it. So if I keep writing about how I need to be more disciplined and about how I need to work on my writing at every given opportunity, I'll learn to do it. I can see this plan working out. Especially since if I'm writing about those things, it means that I'm at least writing something. And that's the only real starting point that I need.